Circle Guidelines of Cornerstones of Trust

There are standards for behavior in circles. One of the primary tasks of a circle leader is to teach, reinforce, and act as guardian of these standards. From long experience with many types of circles in many settings, the community of circle keepers has settled on four core guidelines (besides the all-important guideline to respect the talking piece, addressed earlier):

1. Speak from the heart: This means speaking for yourself, talking about what is true for you based on your own experiences. When we speak from the heart we are aiming for eloquence, for choosing words that accurately communicate what we hold to be important.
   
2. Listen from the heart: We are used to judging other people. Sometimes without even knowing anything about another person we will make assumptions about them. These assumptions can keep us from really hearing what they have to say…and what they have to say may be something that is important and helpful. So when we listen from the heart we are trying to set aside any stories we may hold about the person. This opens up the possibility of making wonderful discoveries about, and surprising connections with, each other.
   
3. No need to rehearse: In circles we discover that we can trust that we will know what to say when it is our turn to speak. We don’t have to mentally rehearse while we are waiting for the talking piece to come our way. When we find that we are rehearsing (everyone does) we gently remind ourselves “no need to rehearse” and bring our attention back to the person who is speaking. This guideline is sometimes referred to simply as “be spontaneous.”
   
4. Without feeling rushed, say just enough: Keep in mind the limits of time and making room for everyone to speak. This intention is also called “lean expression.” It is related to “speak from the heart” because we often find that when we speak carefully we can express ourselves with fewer words than we would normally use, and that when we do our words often have more impact.  One way to think about this is, when you are considering what to say, ask, “Does it serve this circle in a good way?”